Author: Diana HC Tan

Older adults who care for a mentally or physically disabled child or a grandchild whose parents are not around face challenges. During media interviews, one common fear expressed by the older person is that no one will continue the caregiving task after they die. The stress that comes from such responsibilities could affect the health of the older adults. This snowballs into problems and issues that are not only personal but affects social welfare as well.

Dual-income families in Singapore often rely on older adults at home to provide a nanny or “watch-over” role to grandchildren. Grandparents may be delighted to do this but the stress level associated with this role should be managed well. I once met an elderly woman in her 60s who was on her way to fetch a grandchild from school. At the bus stop where we chatted briefly, she wept as she related how stressed and rushed it was to keep a daily time schedule for her daughter. Her grandchild had to be fetched from school, given a meal at home, then rushed off to tuition classes later in the afternoon. She confided that her working daughter will be angry if she failed to complete the assigned tasks. This highlights that inter-generational relationships can only be healthy if everyone involved respects and recognizes another’s personal rights and needs. It calls attention not only to society’s expectations of grandparenting, and also what and how grandparents see themselves.

Psychodynamics may be at play. Could grandparents themselves be over indulgent? Are they now fulfilling a role that they failed or lacked as parents? Are they trying to get into the good books of someone else – be it their child or their grandchild? The list goes on. It’d be interesting to delve deeper into human psychology and I hope to find more resource to share with you readers at a later time. So do continue to check in to this space!